


Centipedes In My Ear...

by ANekoForMe



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Basically all the T.G. Characters, Cannibalism, M/M, OOC characters, Possessive! Kaneki, Slow Build, Slow Updates, voices
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2016-06-08
Packaged: 2018-05-06 15:18:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5421932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANekoForMe/pseuds/ANekoForMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaneki Ken was born as a natural one-eyed ghoul. As an experiment made by the CCG, he's treated horribly. He's considered less than a person or even a ghoul. Torture, cannibalism, and succumbing to insanity are daily occurrences for Kaneki. Until...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Escape

Blood splashed against his face, dying is shockingly white hair crimson. He didn't care, he just wanted to eat. While he was given small amounts of ghoul after his sessions to allow him to heal, they were never as good as when he was allowed out. That was only every couple of months though. It made the already unstable boy mad with hunger. 

“Stop!! Please!! We’ll do anything, just stop eating him!! Please!” 

It looked like the prey wanted to play tonight. A maniac grin appeared on the boys face. The girl who had screamed at him to stop was staring in horror as he ate her friend alive. The other male who he wasn't eating looked like he was about ready to attack. Hopefully this would be fun. 

“How dare you eat him!” And with that, the other male launched himself at the frightening white haired boy. 

“I hope you're a fun one! This one here barely gave up a fight at all! Although you'd have a better chance against me if you two teamed up. Oh, the fun! Three in one night.”

With that, the girl charged forward. She used her two Rinkaku tentacles to try and attack the boy while the other male crystallized his Ukaku and fired. The boy swiped away the projectiles that had been shot at him with one of his own Rinkaku kagune. He then grabbed the girls kagune and ate it, enjoying the screams that tore out of her throat. He pulled her in and killed her, then used the single tentacle he had pulled out to kill the other one. He began his feast. 

As the boy finished up his meal, two human girls passed the large alley the small massacre had happened. They saw a a bloody boy who looked no older than eighteen staring at the ground in front of him. 

“Hey, are you okay?” One of them asked.

Crack

The laughter began as the boy looked up showing a beautiful silver eye and the kakugan that all ghouls possessed. They were killed before they even had a chance to scream, there corpses eaten by the one-eyed ghoul. 

 

His session at Cochlea was worse than normal that night. After the Rc suppressants were injected through the membrane of his left eye, the whole night and much of the next day was filled with pain for the boy. He was nailed to the chair even though he was already chained, every bone was broken, his fingers and toes pulled off, both eyes gouged out. Tokage tried a new one that night. He made lacerations all over the boys body and poured a special Rc suppressant acid all over them. That one caused the first scream the boy had done in a while, having gotten used to the pain enough to not scream. Then came the centipede. 

“P-please have mercy! No! NO-“ The boys pleas were cut off, for the centipede had been placed in his ear and was crawling around. Blood curdling screams could be heard for a while. 

Shortly after that, the session was concluded. The boy was dragged to his cell with the centipede still crawling around in his ear. Tears leaked down his face. He was quickly escorted into the small cell he called home, a book waiting for him in the corner. He was thrown in there, the door bolting shut behind him. The boy curled up and began to count back from a thousand by sevens. 

“Do you know why you were punished more than normal in your session today?” A voice spoke from behind the door. 

“No sir,” replied the boy. All traces of the insane laughter gone from his voice. 

“You killed two humans Mukade. We specifically told you to only eat ghouls when you're let out.”

At the mention of his alias, the boy began to feel the centipede move even more. Footsteps could be heard moving away from the door. 

He had to get out. He had to get out. HehadtogetouthehadtogetouthehadtOGETOUTHEHADTOGETOUT!!

With still healing eyes, the boy found his book, grabbed it and faced the door. After some struggle, he managed to break through the Rc suppressant coursing through his veins. He did something he hadn't been allowed to do since the CCG first discovered he had one, the ability that changed his alias from One-Eye to Centipede, he unleashed his partial kakuja. It had mutated more since the only time he had unleashed it. He now had four centipede tails on top of his four regular kagune. The bird like mask had stayed the same, but he had some armor now. Starting from the shoulders and covering the torso was an armor styled like a centipede. 

He slammed the four centipede tails into the door, breaking it down. He quickly started to jump up the side of the circular prison, bouncing and running along the walls to get to the top. It was rather difficult on his still healing body, but he had to get out. The alarm was blaring and the walls secreting the suppressant gas by the time he got to the top. He quickly killed all the guards and ran outside into darkness of the now twilight sky. 

Where to go? He needed to choose quickly. The rest of the guards of Cochlea would be hunting him soon. The 20th Ward popped into his mind. He'd heard some guards talking about it as they passed his cell. It was supposed to be peaceful. Nobody would think the SSS-rated ghoul Mukade would be there. And with that, he began to run from the 23rd Ward to the 20th. 

 

The boy arrived in the 20th Ward an hour before dusk. It had taken a lot out of him to get there, but he had to get away from that prison. He didn't want to be tortured anymore or be forced into the CCG’s experiments. But, before he could rest his much abused body, he needed to observe his new area. 

He climbed on top of a tall building and peered out at the sleeping city. It was quite and really did look peaceful. There were of course still a few ghouls still feasting, but it didn't look nearly as bad as the other wards he’d visited when he was let out to feed. 

“Why do you smell like my sister and I?” A voice asked from behind him. It looked like he really need to rest if he didn't even here this girl come up behind him. Before he answered he scented the air, noticing this new person did in fact smell quite a bit like him. 

“Maybe your sister was the one the CCG forced to bear me. They got a little curious about ghouls, you see? Decided to make and experiment on me.”

“You're telling me that when my sister disappeared it was because the CCG kidnapped her and another ghoul to have a child?” 

The boy turned and faced her before he spoke. “Sort of. When I was old enough to understand, I heard some guards from outside my cell. They said they felt bad about the investigator-I can't remember the name- who had to impregnate. Said it must be horrible not only too have his first child be a bastard and, I’m quoting this, ‘the insane monster stuck inside a child’s body.’”

It took the beautiful woman a while to process this. A small breeze played with her lilac hair as she contemplated what the boy had just said. It was hard for her to believe, but there was no other reason for him to smell like family unless he was family. The woman knew her parents were dead and that she had no other siblings, besides the older sister who had disappeared eighteen years ago. 

“I'm Kamishiro Rize, but I guess you can call me Aunt Rize. No, that doesn't sound right. You can call me Rize. Who are you nephew?”

“I don't have a name. The CCG gave me a few pseudonyms though. I was first called One-Eye, but now it's Centipede.”

“You're telling me my newly found nephew is the SSS-ranked ghoul Mukade?” Disbelief dripping from her voice. 

“In the flesh.” Childish laughter then followed this from the boy. “Hahaha! Flesh! Hahahaha!”  
He had a giant smile on his face as he laughed. 

“Well, you still need a name. It won't do you any good to advertise that you're Mukade.”

“Okay, Auntie! I've never had a name before. I wouldn't even know where to start in naming myself. Most everyone dies after meeting me, so no one has tried to name me either. The closest I've gotten is the pseudonyms and sometimes people call me a monster. Hey, Rize I have an idea! You should name me!”

Rize was surprised by this kid. He acted very children like for his age and was probably insane. I wonder what the CCG did to him to make him like this, she thought to herself. He obviously needed training in appearing human. With the boys behavior now, she knew he would attract attention. That would be bad for both him and all the ghouls in the ward. She knew for a fact that he escaped from the CCG. Both his appearance and mentality gave it away. 

“Hmm… You need a good strong name. Let's see…Kaneki Ken? Would that work for you?

“I love it! Thank you Aunt Rize!!”

“Hey kid, knock off the aunt part. It makes me feel old.”

“Pretty please Aunt Rize?”

Rize sighed. “Fine Kaneki-kun.”

“Thanks again Auntie.”

After the initial excitement of meeting his aunt and getting his very own name, Kaneki remembered how tired he was. It was a struggle not to fall asleep right then and there and sleep for a few years. 

“Sleep Ken. I'll carry you home.”

And with that, Kaneki fell asleep. Rize picked him and carried him to her apartment in the as dawn broke. He really looked like he needed a good rest. Probably be out until the next morning. 

After arriving at the apartment, Rize placed Kaneki in her bed. Knowing that he needed it more than she did. It was rather strange what this young man was doing to the powerful Binge Eater, but she let it slide. There was just something about him. She decided to visit Anteiku while Kaneki slept, to see if they could help keep him stable. It was obvious he was a ticking time bomb, ready to go off whenever.


	2. I'm breaking, yet unbreakable...

Kaneki didn't want to get up the next morning. Rize tried her best, but couldn't get the white haired boy. Every time she’d try pulling something off, whether it be a blanket or a pillow, he would unconsciously burrow into what she wasn't yanking off him. It was absolutely adorable to the older ghoul. With this kind of behavior, it was hard to believe the boy in front of her was the famed Mukade. But, appearances were deceiving. 

Around dusk that night, Kaneki finally got up for good. Although something startling was found when Rize had him move up. Some of the pillows, sheets, and blankets had large blood stains on them. How she hadn't noticed them before was beyond her. She just put it off as the injuries he'd had the night before were finishing healing up and had bleed a little in the process. Besides she needed new linens anyways. 

Under the cover of darkness, Rize took her nephew to the café Anteiku. She really hoped they would be able to help him blend in. She didn't want to loose the only family she had now. They arrived minutes before closing. All the other customers having left. Yoshimura was actually in the main room, perfect. Rize told Kaneki to hang around towards the back and confidentiality walked up to the manager. 

“I need your help Yoshimura. “

It was then the youngest waitress, Touka, walked out. “The famous Binge Eater needing help, as if. Cut the crap Rize. What the hell do you want.”

“Touka, that wasn't very nice. Miss Rize may actually need help with something. You know it's Anteiku’s policy to help ghouls in need. 

“Thank you Yoshimura. Now, it's not exactly me that needs help, rather my nephew over there.”

It was then that a loud crash could be heard. The white haired boy that walked in with Rize had accidentally knocked over one of the chairs that had been stacked up. 

“What the bloody hell did ya do that for?!” Yelled the dark haired waitress. 

“It fell over. It's not my fault. Besides it wasn't even that loud!” 

“What are you deaf?!”

“Probably!”

In a childish way Kaneki turned his back to the group, consequently showing them the left side of his face. There was a steady stream of blood dripping down from his ear. A shocked gasp went throughout the entire group. After regaining her senses, Rize slowly walked forward. When she reached Kaneki, she began to whisper into his bleeding ear. Loud enough that he should be able to hear, but not so loudly that his other ear would pick up on. 

“Kaneki-kun~.” Nothing. 

“Ken.” Again nothing. 

“If you stop pouting, I'll let you kill the waitress over there.” There was no response from him, but a startled gasp came from Touka. 

“How dare you, you bitch-“ she was abruptly stopped by Kaneki. 

“Why are you calling Aunt Rize a bitch? You swear a lot miss.”

“How the hell didn't you hear what she said about me?! You must be an absolute idiot!”

“Touka, stop yelling at him. He didn't hear it because he's actually deaf in his left ear. Miss Rize just proved that. Although what she said was a little uncalled for.”

“Oh yeah! I completely forgot about my left ear.”

It was then that the white haired boy did something that horrified even Yoshimura. He tilted his head to the side so that his left ear was pointing to towards the floor. The drip of blood onto solid wood could be heard. He tapped the right side of his head a few times before bringing his fingers up to the bleeding left ear. It took him but a moment to grab on to what appeared to be something before dragging it out of the ear. What he held in his fingers was a twenty three centimeter centipede. 

Everybody just stares in shock. The other two Anteiku workers, Irimi and Koma, had come out of the back room to see what all the yelling was about and came in as Kaneki pulled the large centipede from his ear. 

“What…the hell?” Could be heard from Touka. 

“I told you guys, I forgot about. It hurt like hell to put in though! Always was the worst one they used in the sessions. Only old one that can still make me scream… Guess escaping and sleeping made me block out the pain. Tends to happen when they leave it in to long.” In between his explanation for the creepy crawly in his ear, the others began to notice he would talk to himself. It was very obvious that the poor boy had been tortured from birth. 

“Kaneki-kun~. You should probably eat after that. I know some good hunting grounds with just the most delectable humans. Almost all of the have that perfect muscle to fat ratio. Yum~!”

Kaneki screamed at that. He quickly put his back to a wall and slid down until his knees were brought to his chest. In his hand was the squirming centipede. He began to count back from one thousand using sevens. Any association with human flesh had always resulted in pain for Kaneki. Lots and lots of pain. 

“What’s 1000 minus 7? …993…986…979…972…965…” On and on he went. He only stopped when Rize snapped him out of it. 

“What the hell is he doing. “

“Quite Touka. Shut your damn mouth if you know what's good for you.” With that, Rize ran over to Kaneki. Wrapping her arms around him, she lightly shook him, snapping him out of his counting trance. 

“What was that about Ken?”

“I won't eat humans. Only ghouls…”

“Filthy cannibal…” Could be heard from Koma. 

“While I'm not saying your opinion of ghoul cannibalism is wrong Koma, maybe there's a reason the young lad only eats ghouls. You say his reaction to Miss Rize mentioning him eating humans, yes? It is most likely that whoever tortured him before didn't like him eating human flesh.” With a slight grumble, Koma agreed with the manager and apologized to Kaneki. 

The boy was shaking badly. Rize’s comforting touches making it worse. It got to the point where he could even hold the centipede anymore. Irimi quietly picked it up and let it outside. 

“What happened Ken?” A worried Rize asked. 

“It's always worse after I eat flesh. They told me again and again not to eat it, but sometimes I couldn't help. I was just so hungry last time… They starve me… They came across my path. I couldn't resist. Who would in that situation? They always hurt me worse after I eat flesh. I make sure it doesn't happen often…”

The boy had become lost in his own world of pain filled memories. Kaneki became silent, refusing to say anything. He just focused on a spot on the floor and stared off into space. Trapped in a fortitude pierced by memories. All everyone could do was watch the unstable and broken boy. 

“So, will you help me help him?”

“Of course.” All the workers at Anteiku replied. 

“Come along Kaneki. Let's go hunting. I'm sure you can find a ghoul suited to your tastes. Wouldn't want you to become weak now would we?”

Kaneki walked over to Rize with a small smile. He had learned long ago on how to pick up the few remaining broken pieces that made him him. Doing it again wasn't so hard, but he wishes that for once he could be whole. That he didn't have to continue to put himself back together. Or that he could at least have some to help pick up the pieces. 

And with that, he walked out of Anteiku with his aunt. Hunting another ghoul, even though he had eaten a couple days ago. Breaking out of Cochlea had taken everything out of him. Maybe once he got his strength back, he could finally find a way to keep himself from breaking. After all now, he was free.


	3. Psychotic; yet unable to go insane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Kaneki's birthday in real life!

They started him on becoming “normal” the next day. Aunt Rize and that old looking guy had him sat him down at a table at Anteiku. Auntie sat with him too for a while. The old man even gave him something! Kaneki had never had coffee before, and found he rather liked the bitter brew. 

“Could I have another one Aunt Rize?” He asked her. 

“Sure Ken-kun.”

This continued on for a few more hours. Kaneki would drink his new favorite drink and just observed the customers of the coffee shop. Although he wasn't really enjoying the last one. He had been told to watch the mix of people and ghouls. They said it would help him learn how to blend in. It was just rather boring. 

“Kaneki, I'm going to go. I want to eat and I'd like to find some prey before night falls.”

“Okay Auntie Rize.” 

She just sighed and left. It was very obvious to Kaneki that his aunt was the Binge Eater. From the few days he'd know her, she'd already eaten more than enough. Why, just last night while he ate another ghoul to fully heal, she'd eaten three humans. While Kaneki himself could be a binge eater, he did his out of starvation while she just did it because she was a glutton. He didn't mind. 

Soon after his aunt left, the short tempered waitress from yesterday entered Anteiku and walked over to the old man. This made Kaneki rather curious and extremely happy for his very sensitive enhanced hearing. 

“Good morning Touka-chan.”

“Morning manager. You called?”

“Yes. I'm sorry to have bothered you on your day off. I was hoping you would take Rize's nephew to Uta for a mask. There have been a few doves spotted in the 20th Ward. 

She looked over at Kaneki, clearly angry about spending her day off with him. 

“Of course manager. I'll take him right away.”

“Thank you Touka-chan.”

With this Kaneki walked over to the pair. 

“Yes?” It was Touka, barely being polite. Only for the sake of Yoshimura. 

“You said we were leaving right away. I was under the impression that that meant now. Was I wrong?”

“How the hell did you hear us?!”

“I used my ears. They're all healed up now. It's nice knowing that I don't have that centipede in my ear anymore. Or that nobody's going to put it in my ear because that's the only old one that can still make me scream. Although, sometimes it still feels like it's crawling through. So, aren't we supposed to leave?”

Again, this young man had shocked the workers on Anteiku. Never had they heard or seen anything like this. There was also an ominous feeling that they were just scratching the tip of the iceberg with this boy. 

“Yeah, let's go.”

Touka led Kaneki out of the café. Taking him to the entrance of the subway system. After following the proper procedures, which fascinated Kaneki, she led them onto a train that would led them into the 4th Wars. 

“So, who are you?” Kaneki asked. 

“You mean to tell me you just got up and left with me without even knowing who I am?!”

“Yeah, why wouldn't I? It seemed like fun. Besides, you wouldn't be able to kill me so there's no danger in going.”

“And how the hell do you know that?!”

“Because I'm not complete and they already gave me a high rating.”

“Care to explain dumbass?!”

“Auntie Rize said I shouldn't tell people.”

“You already fucking told me half. Why not the rest? To much of a mamas boy to break Rize's rule?”

Touka knew it was wrong to taunt the boy. She just couldn't help it though. Everything about him was infuriating! That and implying that she was weak. This kid just drived her mad. 

“Good point. If you introduce yourself then I'll do the same. You'll see.”

“Fine. I'm Kirishima Touka. Happy now?”

“Very! Now let's see, the name Rize gave me is Kaneki Ken. She says it's a good name. But, while I was in Cochlea-“

“They let you out of Cochlea?!”

“No I escaped a the day before yesterday.”

“How the hell did you get here that fast?! Especially when you looked like shit!”

“I ran here. As I was saying, in Cochlea they named me Mukade.”

“You're the SSS-rank ghoul Mukade? I don't believe you. There's no way in hell that he's actually real, much less you.”

“Believe what you want.”

They stayed quiet for the rest of the train ride. But then, a problem arose. The Rc detectors installed in the first four wards. Touka could see the obvious worry from Kaneki when they stepped off the train. 

“Relax. They're pretty shitty scanners. Only work when a ghouls on the higher end of the average.”

She pushed him forward a couple steps before he stopped. The scanners were near the exit, which was a little over 10 meters away. 

“If I go any further, they'll go off. You don't understand. My Rc count has risen way above average. They never let me anywhere near the scanners at Cochlea, which are designed for powerful ghouls. I don’t even have to be under them to set them off. Last one I did was ten meters away from me.”

“Bloody hell. Fine, follow me to the bathroom over there. “

She dragged him over to a small bathroom and brought out something Kaneki was very familiar with, an Rc suppressant. His eyes widened in fear and his body began to shake. Why did he have to do this again? It just hurt so much! Just injecting it into a ghoul was a form of torture. 

“How do I put this in? The manager handed it to me before we left, but literally gave me no instructions. How the hell am I supposed to inject this?” Touka mumbled to herself. 

“You inject it through the membrane of my left eye. Please, just make it quick!”

It was then Touka began to notice Kaneki’s state. The poor boy was curled up in a corner, not even caring the floor was dirty. He was shaking. It was then it was then it donned on her: Rc suppressants were used in his torture sessions. Oh shit! 

She slowly walked towards the shaking boy. Making gentle cooing sounds as she went. She still didn't quite like Kaneki, but she wasn't mean enough to torment him further. She lightly grabbed his chin and tilted it upwards. She then brought her other hand up and positioned it so she could pierce the membrane with the needle. She was slightly surprised when it when through, but she quickly finished the job. 

“You okay now?” Touka asked. 

“Give me a moment. It doesn't hurt anymore - hasn't for years- but it's just what it implies.”

After a few minutes they were able to leave. They both passed through the scanners undetected. No further problems gapped on their walk to HySy. After the luckily uneventful walk towards the mask shop, they entered it. 

“Uta-san? Hello?” Touka yelled out. 

Kaneki had began to browse the masks that were displayed. One of them was covered by a sheet. Kaneki, ever curious, pulled off the sheet. 

“Boo.” The man under the sheet said. 

“Oh, hello. You're not a mask, so why are you pretending to be one?” Kaneki asked. 

“That's Uta. He's going to make your mask. Why were you under the sheet Uta?”

“I wanted to scare him. It didn't work.”

Uta got up and walked over to Kaneki and Touka. He began to sniff Kaneki when he was close enough. “You smell unusual.”He gave the boy a couple more sniffs before standing back up. 

“Sit over there, I'll get you measurements.”

Kaneki followed to where Uta had pointed. He sat down on the stool provided as Uta began. 

“Any allergies?”

“No-“

“What about rubber or metals?”

“They're fine-“

“You want a full faced one?”

“Um-“

“It's your first one; maybe a half-mask, instead.”

“Okay.”

“Care for a snack?”

“No thanks. I don't eat humans.”

“Ah, so you're a cannibal. Interesting.”

With that, Uta began to ask a few personal questions. Kaneki really didn't see a point in them, but he answered them anyways. Uta said it was for inspiration, so Kaneki just went along with it. 

After he was measured, Kaneki and Touka began the walk back to the train station. The Rc suppressant had yet to wear off for Kaneki, so he was again able to pass through undetected. The ride to the 20th Ward was yet again uneventful. 

When they got back to Anteiku, Rize still had yet to return so Kaneki went and sat at an open table. The café was quiet at the moment, so he just stared off into space. Thinking of nothing and just letting himself relax. After a few moments like this, the shop began to get busy once again. All the tables were quickly filled. 

“Hey, you mind if I sit here? Everywhere else is full.”

“Sure.”

Kaneki looked up and saw a younger guy with blonde hair and dark roots sitting down in front of him. It seemed the other did the same as Kaneki. His eyes had widened slightly when he saw the white hair and black nails. He quickly got it under control though and feigned ignorance to the obvious Marie Antoinette Syndrome in front of him. 

‘So he's an observant one. I'll have to be careful.’

“I'm Nagachika Hideyoshi, but you can call me Hide.”

“Okay Hide. I’m Kaneki Ken.”

Hide began to talk to Kaneki while he drank his coffee. The strange thing was, Kaneki was actually beginning to enjoy talking to the sunshine incarnate within minutes. His warning thoughts from earlier were quickly forgotten for the moment as he talked to the blonde. 

They talked about almost everything. Very quickly becoming friends. When Hide had to go, Kaneki became sad. He really didn't want the other to leave. At least Hide promised to return at around the same time tomorrow. 

Kaneki had a feeling that if he continued to talk to Hide, that he wouldn't want to loose him. There was something special about the other. Hide made Kaneki feel like he wasn't broken. That he was unstable, bordering on the edge of insanity. That he was actually worth something.


	4. Why can't I be whole?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm iffy on this chapter, but I'm still posting it.

Kaneki couldn't wait for the next day. He really wanted to see the observant sunshine incarnate. He still knew to be careful around the boy he met yesterday, but he felt like he could just be himself around the other without consequences. Sadly that wouldn't be the case. Humans hated ghouls, and Kaneki was more ghoul than anything else. 

Hide had been nice to him though. Kaneki knew the other was actually a lot more observant than he seemed to be. One of the main questions people had asked Kaneki was how he got his hair white. Along with where he got his nails done. His asked none of these and didn't even ask any personal information about Kaneki. And the reaction that he had first gotten when the other saw his hair. It was clear Hide hadn't been fully looking at him until he sat down, then the flash of emotions in his eyes when he saw the other. Hide knew the sickly white hair that Kaneki had was natural. 

Still, Kaneki had to see the other. Hide made him feel like a person. For a moment he felt like he didn't have to put himself back together. That it wasn't a fine line he walked between insanity and stability. 

That night and the next day passed excruciatingly slowly for Kaneki. It took him hours to fall asleep and his dreams were more nightmarish than usual. Although waiting for Hide the next day wasn't as bad. Sure, it passed slowly for Kaneki but it was fun. He was having Aunt Rize teach him how to read. 

When Hide did arrive, it took all Kaneki had in him not to tackle the other to the ground. He was that excited. 

“Hide!” And with that, Kaneki's self control slipped and he ran over to the blonde. 

“I didn't know you'd miss me that much ‘Neki.”

“It's boring without you though! Aunt Rize, when she's not teaching me, is flirting with other guys. Touka doesn't like me and is really mean! And all the other employees are scared of me! Hey Hide! Can we go outside?”

“Sure. Where do you want to go?”

“Can we go to the park? I've never been to a park.”

They began their walk to the nearby park. Kaneki was excited. He really had never been to a park before. He'd passed the park with Aunt Rize when she took him home, but they hadn't stopped there. He really wanted to climb one of the trees. It seemed fun. 

They first passed the playground the park had, before moving on to the more open areas dotted with a few trees. Kaneki ran up to the largest one. Quickly climbing to the highest branch that he could get to, looking like an acrobat the whole time. He grabbed the branch with his legs and fell forward, facing a flabbergasted Hide. 

“How the hell did you get up there so fast?!”

“Look at me Hide!”

“Jeez ‘Neki. Are you secretly an acrobat or something? With those kind of moves you must be great in bed!”

Kaneki blushed a deep red at this. The boy may have been immune to a decent portion of factors that caused certain emotional responses, talking about sex was not one of them. 

“Hide!”

Hide laughed at the blush covering the others face. He was brash and unstable, but there were parts of childlike innocence about him. He probably never got to have a childhood and was using his newfound freedom to make up for lost time. It was actually kind of adorable, Kaneki's reaction. Who would've thought Kaneki would blush that badly at Hide’s statement?

“I'm all alone down here Kaneki, so come back down! Rabbits die of loneliness!”

“Coming!”

Kaneki's descent was even more impressive. When he got to a branch that was about ten feet above the ground, he flipped from it landing on his feet. It was rather fun for him. He hadn't done anything physical since he escaped from Cochlea. Although Aunt Rize said they were going to do a little training with him that night. 

“Kaneki, why didn't you tell me you were a professional acrobat? Is it really too much to not tell your new best friend about you secret job profession?”

With this they both burst into laughter. Kaneki's once again pale face turned an even darker shade of red than before. Looking at the others face causing them to start up a new fight of laughter. 

When they were done, they continued a comfortable walk around the park. Occasionally they'd start up a conversation, but it was mostly a comfortable silence. Kaneki was happy about that. He never thought he'd be able to make an actual friend, much less one who was already accepting of his unstable state. 

They continued to walk around for a while longer. Hide had a class to go to and Kaneki knew that Aunt Rize would want to see him. They sadly walked back to the café and parted ways, promises of tomorrow spoken by both. 

After Hide left, Kaneki resumed his reading lessons. He'd always enjoyed it when the guard would read to him. They only did it when he was good though. They saw that he loved it so much, that for their only act of kindness towards the boy who was their experiment, they gave him a copy of the book they read to him. Kaneki wanted to not only be able to read it himself, but any book he could get his hands on. 

The rest of the day passed like this while Kaneki and Rize waited for Anteiku to close. Yoshimura had decided that Anteiku needed to know at least some of what their new charge could do. It never hurt to be too cautious. 

After the coffee shop closed, Yoshimura along with Irimi and Koma, led Rize and Kaneki down to the underground system built by the ghouls of the 20th Ward. 

“Where's Touka?” It was asked by Rize. 

“Oh, she went with Yomo to get food. So Kaneki, would you allow us to see your kagune?” Replied Yoshimura. 

“How much do you want to see.” 

Koma and Irimi looked slightly startled. Kakuja’s were rare and what Kaneki was implying was that he had one. 

“All of it, if you wouldn't mind.”

“Okay Mr. Owl. I'm warning you though, my kakuja isn't complete so I won't be able to stay in it long. Unless you want me too?”

“How did you know who I am?”

“Why, I'm shocked Mr. Owl. An SSS-rank ghoul should be able to recognize one of their fellow rank.”

“You're an SSS-rank?”

“I don't believe I've properly introduced myself to you guys. The name Aunt Rize gave me is Kaneki Ken, but the name I've grown up with is Mukade. Now, let's begin-“

“There's no way you're Mukade.” Koma interrupted. 

Kaneki brought a finger up to his mouth in a shushing motion. “Shh, I'm talking.”

Crack

“As I was saying, let's begin this. I'm growing bored. “

At first Kaneki just showed them his regular Rinkaku kagune. There were eight of them this time. He then mutated four of them into arms and picked up the others in the room. The others began to take on a more grotesque appearance and formed mouths. 

“You should eat them Mukade. Indulge yourself a little more.” One whispered. 

“No, you should play with them first. Come on Mukade, you never have any fun. They're ripe for the taking.” Another spoke. 

“Do you really wish to become more of a monster than you already are?” The finale seemingly coherent one said. The other was just mumbling insanities. 

Kaneki put the others back down. And brought his kagune back in. He looked at the others faces, all obviously terrified. 

Koma spoke first. ”Did they just…talk?”

“Yes. They're not really sentient though. They just take on the form of my personality. Sadly for me though, I have multiple. Now, time for the rest.”

Next, Kaneki did something none of them thought was possible. He brought out a Bikaku tail and used it, then put it away. Next he used a Koukaku. Then he brought out a pair of beautiful Ukaku wings. He crystallized them, and shot out the shards before pulling them back in as well. Everyone was unable to comprehend how the young man before them was able to have all four Rc types. 

“How the hell is that possible?!” They all asked at once. 

“Oh, easy. One of the reasons a one-eyeds are special is that they can adapt. With all the testing and experiments I went through led to mutations and additional Rc types. They're a little harder to use for me, but still accessible. Now for the final!”

With that, Kaneki used his Kakuja. The bird like mask formed over his face, an armor covering his upper body appeared along with his four centipede tails. For good measure he brought out his regular Rinkaku as well. 

Crack

“Is this…good enough Mr. Owl. I don't…know how much…longer I can stand…this. “

“Are you sure Kaneki? Go ahead then.”

Kaneki was barely able to deactivate his kakuja. It's effects were noted by all the occupants in the room, what with the insane gleam in his eyes and the maniac grin on his face. 

“Thanks, didn't know how much longer I could ask. Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm pretty sure none of you want to be killed and eaten. Have a good night!”

Kaneki left the underground system and went hunting. His kakuja had a really bad affects on his already fragile mental status. He brought back the painful tortures he had to endure and brought him to a state of instinct driven hunger. And all those instincts were telling him to do now was kill and eat. All while thoughts of centipedes in his ear and his toes on the bench flashed through his mind. 

Why did he have to be like this? Why was he broken? It wasn't fair! Why does life have to be so cruel? Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I don't know if I got this part correct, but I'm going for it! Thanks to the reader who commented on what became the idea for this chapter.


	5. I want to see you be okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late(ish?) update guys! I've been real busy. 
> 
> Updates may take a little longer though now. I started an actual novel and don't plan on updating this story until after I finish my other fic, but don't worry that one only has a few chapters left (and possible oneshot). 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

The 20th Ward was very lucky that night. Kaneki was able to hold onto his sanity long enough to get out of the ward using the underground system. Although, for whatever wars he ran off to wasn't as lucky. It was a complete and utter massacre that night.

Any ghoul that Mukade could find was killed and devoured before they even knew he was there. It was truly horrifying. Blood was splattered throughout the allies and half eaten corpses were left within them. There were even some human victims. The Doves would probably be swarming the area in less than a day.

Eventually, Kaneki made it back to Aunt Rize's apartment. It was almost sunrise. He quietly let himself in. He grabbed a change of clothes from the spare bedroom Auntie was letting him have, and went to the bathroom to take a shower.

As he let the warm water cascade down his body, he thought on his time as Mukade.

The CCG never let his use his kakuja. He cannibalized enough at a young age that he'd formed a half kakuja, allowing them to finally give him the alias of Mukade. They thought it was dangerous though, so he was immediately sedated or punished whenever he showed signs of activating it.

It was then they began the experiments began. Under the disguise of punishment, they began to test him. Finding out that when pushed, a ghoul adapts. Even more so when they're a one-eye.

After he broke out using his kakuja, he thought it would be all over. That he could get better. That he wouldn't have to worry about how long the centipede would stay inside his ear, or what one thousand minus seven was. That he could live on without being looked at as a freak, an abomination.

Aunt Rize was helping him and so were the ghouls at Anteiku, but he could see it in their gazes. Every time they found out something new about him, fear of the freak in front of them could easily be seen. After they got over the shock, the fear turned to either pity or hatred.

He thought he'd just be able to have peace. No more sessions. No more centipedes. No more experiments. No more Mukade. And so far, the only one that had made him feel truly okay was the human boy named Hide.

Kaneki got out of the shower. He quickly dried off and slipped on some clothes. Then walked to his room and crawled into bed. He fell asleep with the thoughts of why on his mind.

  
Hide found Kaneki writing something when he walked into Anteiku that day.

“Watcha doing buddy?” He asked as he sat down.

“Writing a poem.”

“Ooh! Can I read it?”

“Sure. It's not very good though. I just learned to write and I'm still not that good.” Hide wisely chose not to comment on this. Kaneki handed over the poem he was writing. The writing wasn't that good, but the words. Oh god the words…

Red  
Outlining my life.   
Following day by day,  
But nothing keeps the pain way.

Red  
Life filled with strife.   
The color dripping from my face,   
Voices begging for a taste.

Red  
Ripping me open like a knife.   
They put it back in my ear,  
But never stay long enough to hear.

Red  
The voices started shrieking like a fife,  
Never staying silent.   
They're growing more and more violent!

Red  
I can't escape this anymore.   
Trapped in a cage,  
With ever growing rage.

Red   
They tried to lock the door,   
On the failed me.   
I'm not alright, can't you see?

Red  
Sometimes I feel like such a chore.   
I'm broken, lying   
Helpless and dying.

Red  
They treat me like some forgotten lore.   
Goodbye fingers goodbye toes,  
I'll leave you before my sanity goes.

And now, all I see is  
Red

Who the hell had put this poor boy through so much pain?! Hide was outraged at whoever had. He quickly stood up and rushed to Kaneki, pulling him into a tight hug. He wanted to see Kaneki become happy, to not be focused on how much he had been hurt and is still hurting.

“It's okay Kaneki,” he whispered.

"Hide,...why?"

“I just feel like I've know you forever, yet we’ve only just met. It hurts me knowing that someone did something to make you this way. I just want to see you smile without being afraid. I'm sounding weird aren't I?”

“Hide, thanks. Would it be strange to say I feel the same?”

“Not at all ‘Neki, not at all.”

Hide gave one final squeeze, before going to sit back in his chair. Kaneki already missed the warmth and feeling of safety leaving him. They fell into a comfortable silence.

  
A few hours later, that peaceful mood was broken. Hide got a call saying he had to pick up something from an upperclassmen for an event. Kaneki didn't listen to most of it, only paying attention to the part of his Hide leaving him.

“Can I come with you Hide?”

“You want to come with me?”

“Yeah. You're mine and I don't want you to leave yet.” Hide blushed at this, but let the white haired boy come with him.

When the got to the upperclassman’s dorm, Hide carelessly threw open the door. Rushing out came a blushing girl. Embarrassed at being caught straddling her boyfriend.

"Wow Nagachika, ever heard of knocking?”

“Sorry Nishio-senpai! I was told to pick up the dvd of last years college festival.”

“Then what are you waiting for? Help me look.”

“Sure thing.”

As Hide turned his back to begin searching, Nishiki turned his attention to Kaneki. Scenting the air, he smelled the other. What he found was interesting. The boy in front of him smelled a lot like a ghoul- very similar to Rize actually- but didn't smell fully ghoul. Maybe he hung around humans too much? Or the other way around?”

Kaneki silently snarled at the ghoul in front of him. Nobody was going to touch his Hide. The ghoul backed off for now, beginning to search for the disk.

After a few minutes of searching, the ghoul spoke. “I think I left it at my place. Come with me.”

Kaneki was puzzled by this. Weren't they already at his place? Maybe he meant the girl who had ran out’s house? Probably.

On the way there, they stopped at some food vendors. The ghoul pretended to eat whatever the hell Hide got, but Kaneki refused to eat. When asked why, he told the truth. He wasn't hungry.

They were passing by an alleyway when the ghoul decided to make his move. He kicked Hide into the alley, knocking him unconscious. The ghoul began to retch, throwing up the food he had eaten.

“I was really hoping you wouldn't try to eat Hide. Guess I have no choice.”

“What the hell are you talking about brat?”

“I'm already rather full from last night, but a few more mouthfuls won't hurt, right?” Kaneki now bore a maniac grin, eyes gleaming with insanity. One now sporting a red iris and black sclera.

“You touched my Hide. I think I'll hurt you for that.”

Nishiki, feeling scared but not yet ready to admit defeat to the crazy ghoul, brought out his Bikaku kagune.

“Only one of your eyes are red? That's gross.”

Kaneki walked over to where Hide had been kicked, making sure the other was okay before beginning the fight. Finding that Hide was only unconscious, he decided he could play with his new prey for a little bit.

Nishiki, seeing Kaneki’s back turned, decided to attack. Running forward, he tried kick the white haired menace with the combined strength of his kagune and foot. It was easily blocked by the others very own Bikaku kagune, this one a mixture of reds.

Kaneki turned around, facing the supposed attacker this time. He broke his control over his Rc cells, allowing the Bikaku kagune to disappear. In its place were six Rinkaku tentacles, Kaneki's natural Rc type.

“They told me a lot that Bikakus usually hold an advantage over a Rinkaku type. I think it's fitting to destroy you with the type that is supposed to be weaker.”

“How dare-“ Nishiki was cut short, the fight had begun.

It could only be called a massacre. Nishiki stood no chance against Kaneki. He was quickly stabbed though the stomach and brought up into the air, where he was repeatedly stabbed by the remaining tentacles.

After the ghoul had lost consciousness, he could tell because he had stopped screaming, Kaneki flung him to the ground. Lifting one of his kagune to his mouth, Kaneki licked a small amount to blood off.

“You taste like shit. I think I'll just leave you here instead of eating you. Goodbye Mr. Ghoul. “

Kaneki returned back the Hide, picking the injured human up. He carried him out of the alley and ran to Anteiku. They would be able to help Hide.

No one else was ever going to touch his Hide without his permission again. There was no way Kaneki was willing to give up the human, so was now going to be very cautious around the other ghouls.

If he lost Hide, there would be no bringing him back. His cheerful attitude was infectious, and he made Kaneki forget about what had happened to him. No one was going to take away the person who seemed to want to help pick up the pieces of Kaneki. No one…  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not that good at poetry, so if it turned out bad I'm sorry.


	6. I'm Not Letting You Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm back! I've finished all my work on my other story and am pleased to tell you that the next few chapters after this will have my full attention. After that though, I'll have to start focusing on writing the sequel for the other fic. Updates will still happen here, but I will also be writing and developing a plot for the sequel. 
> 
> On another note, I want to try having a beta. I'm curious and would like the experience. If anyone is interested, please let me know in the comments and we can work something out.

About a month had passed since Nishiki had tried to kill Hide. Kaneki had become more possessive over his sunshine. No one else could touch Hide without his permission, he'd made sure of that. 

In that month, Kaneki’s reading skills had rapidly improved. He had found out that he rather liked reading. It took his mind away from his sessions and all that entailed. While he struggled a little bit a some parts, he could now fully read the Black Goat’s Egg. He was rather excited about this, in Cochlea he had only been able to look and never understand. 

While his reading skills were improving, the same could not be said for his people skills. The only people he really interacted with were Auntie Rize and Hide. Occasionally the Anteiku staff, but they didn't like him too much. Most people were just generally boring to Kaneki, and majority were scared of the white haired man. It was a win-win situation for both. He didn't have to interact with boring people and they could stay away from the insane looking white haired boy. 

But never Hide. 

He was always by his side. And it made Kaneki oh, so happy. He hadn't even know what true happiness was until he had met his sunshine. And he would make sure that no one else would take his sunshine. Maybe he was being selfish, but could you really blame him?

So, it was a month later when Kaneki’s happiness grew even larger. 

“Hey Kaneki?”

“Yes?”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Kaneki was thoroughly absorbed in his book. He was aware enough that he could have the conversation, but his attention was more focused on his book. His Hide was safe, so his immediate attention for the moment was not all that necessary though. 

“Yeah Hide, I know.”

Along with his reading abilities, Kaneki was surprisingly a bit more mature now. While he still didn't care for most – and would often act out like a child – he was actually doing a lot better. He was a lot more calm now, and was actually beginning to act normal. Well, as normal as someone like Kaneki could be. 

“Hey Kaneki?”

“Yes Hide?”

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” Hide was blushing heavily at this. 

“Wh-“

Kaneki was quickly cut off by Hide's ramblings. “I mean you don't have too. Hell, you're probably not into guys. I’m sorry for asking. This doesn't make us awkward, right? We can still be friends? Please Kaneki? Rabbits die of loneliness.” By the end of this Hide had begun to sheepishly scratch the back of his neck. 

When Hide finally stopped to take a breath, he seemed to realize what he had said. “Oh god, this is so embarrassing!”

“What's a date?”

Hide was absolutely shocked. Sure Kaneki was a little weird at times, what with not knowing some common knowledge and acting rather childish at times, but to not know what a date was… What the hell had happened to this kid?

“Um…you know? Gah! I don't know how to explain this!”

“If you don't understand stand it, why did you ask me?” Kaneki curiously tilted his head following this. 

“It's that I don't understand it, it's just that…I don't know how to explain it to you.”

“Oh, okay! Take your time Hide.”

“Okay… Well, when two people like each other in a romantic way, they go on dates. They're supposed to help them get to know each other and allow them to spend time together.”

“I don't understand stand Hide. Don't we already do that?”

“Yeah, but we do that as friends. It's just…ugh! This is hard to explain!”

“So, it'd be basically like being friends with you?”

“Yeah, except we'd go on dates and stuff, we'd be a couple.”

“What do couples do?”

“Well, they go on dates with each other. They kiss and other things. I don't know how to explain this Kaneki!” Hide was beginning to turn a bright shade of red. 

“Do you want to kiss me Hide?”

“Yeah…” Whispered a very embarrassed Hide. A large blush covering most of his face. 

“Do you want us to be a couple?”

“Yeah, I want you to be my boyfriend Kaneki. You don't ha-“

“Okay Hide, I'll be your boyfriend. You're mine.”

Kaneki was excited, Hide was going to be his in more ways than one now! Now, Kaneki was going to make sure nothing touched his sunshine. Nobody was going to get Hide. He refused to let go of the one he claimed as his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so short! I just wanted to get something out for you guys, to let you know that this fic is still being continued. Don't worry, chapters will start going back to their original lengths. 
> 
> If anyone is interested, while working on this I wrote another poem. It's titled: Broken. Or, on my Wattpad account (under the same username) I have a drawing collection with some okay sketches I did while writing chapters. You can check it out if you want. 
> 
> So, anyone want to beta for me?


	7. Please don't take my sunshine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to strawberry_swirl for being my new experimental beta! Thanks for making me want to update faster. Man this was a rough week. I had three days to do three essays on top of a bunch of tests. 
> 
> As promised, this is back to the regular length. I hope you like it!

“What if he leaves us?! He can't leave!”

‘He can't leave us! We can't be alone anymore.’

‘We can always just eat him. Then he'd be with us forever.’

“No! We can't eat Hide!”

‘Suit yourself.’

‘I don't want to eat Hide. He's been good to us. Makes us happy. You shouldn't jump to eat everyone Hunger!

‘Oh quite Reason.’

‘I'm fine either way. Yes he's good to us, but he seems tasty too. Then again, humans always taste better than ghouls. If we eat him, can I play with him?”

‘Sure Pain.’

‘Thanks Hu-‘

“Shut up!! Just shut up! We're not eating Hide!” Kaneki was screaming at this point. He couldn't take it anymore. The only voice that was agreeing with him was Reason, but only because it wasn't driven on a ghoul’s instinct or an after affect of his sessions. 

"You are to never speak of eating Hide again. Got it?” Kaneki asked in a low voice. 

‘Yes Mukade. We won't do so again.’ Pain and Hunger said this together along with a grumble directed towards Reason. ‘Stupid Reason making it difficult for us…’

“Can't you just call me Kaneki now? That's the name Aunt Rize gave us.”

‘We're all Kaneki, Mukade. Just different parts.’

‘Yeah, what Reason said.’

‘I have to agree with Reason and Pain.’

‘It's best if we're divided into sections Mukade. Together, all of us make up Kaneki. You're Mukade, the main part of us. You have the most control over us as to the fact that you are the original. I'm Reason, I help by logic and not instinct or harm. Hunger takes care of our ghoul instincts and Pain is the sadistic urges we feel occasionally. See? We all make up Ken Kaneki.’

‘Yeah, I sadly don't have much say in this. The only time I really get to come out is when Mukade starts to loose control. Although when we get possessive over Hide, I get to come out too. I change my mind completely, we really shouldn't eat Hide.’

“Can you guys shut up now? I believe I've already told you to do so.”

‘No can do Mukade. Sorry, but you're nervous. You loose control more when you're nervous, remember?’

‘Yeah, it's a lot easier for Hunger and I to come out when you're nervous or emotional and shit like that.’

Shit! Kaneki had forgotten the voices became active when he was real emotional. There was no way he was going to calm down soon though. His date with Hide was today and there was so much that could go wrong. He had never been on a date so those possibilities were even more likely. 

Hide could decide he didn't like Kaneki anymore. He could leave Kaneki. He could tell him him that he never really cared. He could decide he didn't want Kaneki anymore because of how clueless he was on most topics. Kaneki could be found by the Doves. Hide would find out Kaneki was a ghoul and a dangerous one at that. 

The last one wasn't worrying Kaneki as much as the others though. It was more that Rize and the staff of Anteiku always told him that humans shouldn't know he was a ghoul. He knew they were right. He's seen the wanted boards the CCG put up at their offices. He had no doubt that if a human found out about them that he'd be reported to the CCG and would end up most likely dead for escaping. But Hide seemed different though. He didn't seem like he would rat out a friend for being a ghoul. Maybe one day he could tell Hide about what he truly was: a one-eyed ghoul. 

‘You know you can talk to us, right?’

“Yeah, I know I can talk to you Reason. But Pain and Hunger always make fun of me!”

‘Can ya blame me kid? You're so fun to mess with.’

‘I'll listen. I’m no Reason, but I can do that much for our problems. Pain is right though. You're really fun to mess with Mukade.’

“Oh, shut it you two! I’m not that fun to mess with.”

‘So Mukade, you want to talk about it?’

'Yeah, let's get this over with.’

“Well, you guys already know it. There's not much to talk about.”

‘But there is Mukade. Sometimes just talking helps. Just because we already know what you're thinking doesn't mean you can't talk with us.’

‘Yeah, Reason is right. Remember how much we helped you after the sessions were really bad?’

‘One day we can kill that bastard. See how he likes being chained to a chair and watching his fingers and toes being pulled off. Or see how he likes being nailed down as acids are dribbled over his wounds. We could eat him alive too, starting at the bottom. We could put that centipede in his ear too. See how he likes hearing it crawling around ins-‘

“STOP!” Kaneki was shaking now. He didn't really want to remember the centipede. As it crawled around inside his head. No! Make it stop! It hurts! Please not the centipede! Have mercy!

“What's 1000 minus 7? 993…986…979…972…965…958…951…944…937…930…”

‘Shh, it's okay Mukade. Pain didn't mean to go that far.’

‘Not my fault that the kid couldn't handle me talking about it.’

‘Pain, you should know that when we're not fed Mukade breaks down easier.’

‘That's not all of it Hunger.’

‘Well, I would know that it's a big part of it. You know we were punished if we ate humans and we were lucky if we were let out every two months to hunt for something decent. Now with the others putting us down for cannibalizing, it's putting a lot of stress on us. It's been over a month since we've hunted because of this. You know break downs happen when we don't eat. 

‘Yeah, I know that Hunger. We've always been punished some way when we eat.’

‘Exactly.’

‘But, with how nervous we are it would have been easy to set Mukade off regardless of us being hungry or not.’

‘True.’

‘You should apologize to him Pain.’

‘Fine. I'm sorry kid. I didn't mean to set ya off.’

“You shouldn't talk about me like I'm not here. It's fine Pain. I know you didn't mean it.”

‘Glad to see you're back Mukade.’

‘Oh shut up Pain.’

‘Why should I Hunger?’

‘Both of you! We should be focusing on Mukade.’

‘Oh yeah, he still has to talk to us.’

“Well, you guys already know most of it. Nothing I say will be something new to us. I'll try my best to get my thoughts out though.”

'Remember we won't judge you Mukade.’

‘Yeah kid. It's kind of hard to judge yourself.’

Kaneki wondered how he should start. How were you supposed to talk about your insecurities with the people who know everything about you. Well, they weren't really people just the other parts of him.

"Well, you all know how much Auntie Rize means to us. I mean she found us and offered to help us. She could have just left us or dumped us at Anteiku, but she didn't. She let us live with her an is even helping us. Even though we spend most of our day at Anteiku ‘observing how others normally act’ she's still really good to us. Hell, she's the only ghoul we know who hasn't batted an eye at our…eating habits. You're right hunger, we really should eat soon. I'll go hunting later tonight. Sorry, I'll get back on topic. 

“Well, I'm just worried that she won't want us anymore. That she won't want to deal with us anymore. You guys have to admit, we’re a handful. If it had been just me it would still be pretty bad, but there's all of us.”

‘Yeah, we are pretty bad.’

‘Meh, we could be worse.’

‘We are pretty bad, but Hunger is right; we could be so much worse. Just think, Pain it Hunger could be in control most of the time and not you.’

“Yeah, that would be pretty bad if they had control most of the time. 

“Anyways, I'm also worried about Hide. I can't have him leave me. He makes me feel…happy. Yeah, he makes me feel happy. He doesn't have to put up with us, but he does. He has no obligation to. We aren't family and he didn't know us before. So if I loose the only person who makes me feel like I'm worth something… I don't want to loose my sunshine.”

‘Don't worry Mukade. He won't leave us.’

‘Yeah. And if he does, he's an ass.’

“But I don't want him to leave.”

‘Then we'll just have to make sure he doesn't.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Mukade, you shouldn't worry. You deserve to be loved and I have a feeling that Hide is the one who can do just that.’

“Thanks guys.” Kaneki smiled at what they had to say. 

Hopefully Hide would realize just how much this white haired boy needed him. He wouldn't be able to bear if his sunshine was taken away from him. 

Rize walked into Kaneki's room. She had heard him talking –and at times yelling- while he was in his room. Did he get a phone? Maybe he was talking to that boy he was going on a date with soon. She didn't see a phone though. 

“Who were you talking to Ken?”

“Myself.”

She shot him a worried glance and he looked at her confused. Ken had been talking to himself? He was worse than she thought he was. She now wanted to kill the people who did this to him even more. The poor boy...

\--------

The date had actually gone pretty well. Hide had noticed that Kaneki was a big fan of reading, so he took him to a bookstore with a café built inside. 

"You can pick out a few books Kaneki. I'll get them for you.”

“You will?” 

“Yeah.” 

Hide was almost tackled to the ground by the hug that the other was giving him. Kaneki was this huge smile on his face as he squeezed Hide. He looked absolutely adorable. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're the best Hide!” Hide beamed at this. Hearing the other sound so happy, it was infectious. 

After and hour of dragging Hide around through the bookstore, Kaneki finally picked the few books he wanted. Two were some random ones that sounded interesting and the other two were novels written by Takatsuki Sen. 

After paying for the books, Hide and Kaneki went and sat down in the café. They each ordered a coffee, Hide’s being sweet while Kaneki just had black, and they talked. They talked about everything and nothing, just content being with each other. Both didn't really want it to end, but they had to go home. 

On the walk back, Hide stated talking to Kaneki . “Hey Kaneki?”

“Yes Hide?”

“Can we do this again sometime?”

“Yeah, I'd really like that.” They resumed walking in a comfortable silence. 

When they reached the door to Rize's apartment, Kaneki turned and faced Hide. He wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him into an embrace. He buried his face into the crook of Hide’s neck, letting the wonderful smell that is the other relax him. 

“Please don’t leave me sunshine.” He whispered against Hide, lips brushing against the others neck with each word he said. Hide just hugged him tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so much fun to write!


	8. No more shadows

*Please note that anything offensive said in this chapter is not my personal opinion.*

  Screams. That's all the unlucky ward heard that night. Bloodcurdling screams, and if they were especially unlucky, a chilling laughter. Not one of innocence or happiness, but of madness. One who was truly enjoying whatever they were doing to make their victims scream like that.

 

  And enjoy he did. Heavily influenced by Pain and Hunger, a young man mercilessly ripped into the bodies of ghouls. Drinking in their screams as much as their blood. Blood and tissuestaining his shockingly white hair red.

 

  It was a feast to him. Having been starved most of his life and looked down upon after he escaped. But with the thrill of the hunt coursing through his veins as he did, nothing could stop him from his binge.

 

  'That's it Mukade!'

 

  'Ghouls never really do end up tasting better, do they?'

 

  "No, they don't."

 

  'We should probably head back Mukade. It's close to sunrise and the doves will be arriving later after how much noise we made. Might as well leave well before they get here than stay eating with a chance of leaving even more evidence.'

 

  'You're no fun Reason.'

 

  'Yeah, no fun at all.'

 

  "A fter we finish this one we can go." Following that sentence, a loud crack could be heard, silencing the last of the screams. Brains now leaked out of the skull Kaneki had just cracked, mixing with the pool of blood and strung about intestines. The final dish in his feast for the night, was served. Nothing would be left, even bones were eaten, all that remained was a stain from where the blood had pooled.  
.......  
  Back to another day of sitting at Anteiku, observing how the humans and ghouls pretending to be human acted. Aunt Rize had to work and Hide had classes all day, so he was left alone for the day. It was okay though, Hide had gotten him a new book so he had something to read. So that's how he tried to spend his day, reading. Things never turned out that way for him though.

  "That kid over there is fucking creepy!" Someone from across the room whispered to their friend. They probably thought no one could hear them, but when your ear has had to repair itself more time than there are bones in your body your hearing tends to improve. At least, it does in Kaneki's case.

 

  "Fuck, he doesn't even have to be looking at anyone. And he probably does his hair white and nails black for attention."

 

  "I know! No one respectable does that kind of thing. He smells really weird too, like a ghoul but not. Oh, have you seen his face? I swear that kid had a mental disorder or something..."

 

  "Probably an 'or something'. I saw that really pretty purple haired chick that girl is a total babe! Don't know why she's spending time with the creepy fuck. teaching him to read the last times they were here together. He acts like a child, so I bet he's retarded. He fucking talks to himself too!"

 

  "You know he's a faggot, right? He and that hyperactive little blonde fuck are dating. The blonde one must be doing this out of pity, but still to actual date the guy is disgusting. Fucking fags..."

 

  "That's fucking gross! Blondie's a fag too? I can understand the boy over there, poor thing's obviously confused, but the blonde one? Fags like him"  
Kaneki couldn't hold it in anymore. He was fine with them insulting him, he'd heard much worse before, but they insulted Hide. He stood up and crossed the room in seconds, grabbing the ears of the two on his way out, dragging the two out back with him, knowing they would be fine since they were ghouls. When he was sure no one could see them, he stopped and pulled. An ear from each was pulled off.

 

  'Mukade!'

 

  'Yes! Rip off another!'

 

  'You got us a snack Mukade! How thoughtful.'  
    
  By now, the two were screaming. "What the...hell was that for...bastard?!" One managed to get out between screams.

 

  "You can talk about me all you like," SNAP ",but don't you ever talk about h im that way. It takes three pounds of pressure to pull off an ear, want to know how many it takes to snap a leg?" Kaneki's insane smile was on his face now.

  "Why-"

  "You two are ghouls, although weak ones at that, so you'll eventually heal from whatever I do to you. You're lucky I ate just last night, so I can't really do much," he took a bite of one of the ears "I'll let you off with a warning for now. If you ever say one more fucking bad thing about h im I'll show you how easy it is to break your bones." And with that, he finished up the ears, cracked another finger and left.  
.......  
  He had to move. He absofuckinglutely had to move, and soon. His books were nice, yes, but he had to move. After years of sitting in that chair or his room, he wanted to move. He was fine when he had to sit still with Auntie Rize or Hide, but alone he couldn't do it. Even with beating up the two ghouls earlier, he was restless. He had to move.  
  It was then that he had the perfect idea. The mean waitress, Touka, was picking up an order. He had heard her grumbling a few minutes ago about the test she had to study for that day, and she needed a pick me up. Kaneki didn't want her, or anyone that matter to take a test they were absolutely horrible. They always hurt him real badly, so he really hoped no one else had to go through them. So doing something with him would be a better alternative. Maybe she could spar with him.

 

  'Maybe she could help us with our Ukaku...'

 

  'Mukade, you need to see if she could help us! Imagine how much more we could do if we could properly use our Ukaku!'

 

  "It's not like we can't use it..."

 

  'No we can still use it, we just suck at it.'

 

  "Thanks for the encouragement, Pain, " was Kaneki's sarcastic reply. 

  'You're welcome Mukade!'

 

  'That was sarcasm, Pain...'

 

  'Shut up Reason!'

  'They do have a point Pain, it was obviously sarcastic. Jeez!' 'Not you too, Hunger.'

   Just shut up guys, we haven't even asked yet." And with this, he got up and made his way to Touka, ignoring the promises of later from the other manifestations of himself.

 

  "Touka!"

 

  "What the hell do you want brat?"

 

  "Hey Touka, will you"

 

  "Fuck no shitty brat."

 

  "I didn't even get to finish my question though..."

 

  "I don't care, my answer's no."

 

  "But Touka," he whined.

 

  "What the hell do you want?"

 

  "You're an Ukaku, right?"

 

  She sighed loudly, obviously annoyed with the situation. "Your point is?"

 

  "Well, I only recently developed a kakuhou capable of producing an Ukaku Rc type. I can use it, but not that good. If you're an Ukaku, that means you can help me. Please?"

 

  "And why the hell should I help you? I have a test to study for. You don't even go to school even though you look fucking old enough to be in high schoolso you don't realize how important it is I pass this test to look normal. What makes you think you're so damn special that I have to drop studying and teach you how to use your damn kagune?"

 

  "Auntie Rize says I'm about eighteen and that I'll turn nineteen in December! She says that normally I'd be in college, so ha! I wouldn't be in high school.

 

  "Besides, tests aren't good. They hurt a lot and make you scream and change you. They say they help, but all they do is bring you pain and make you bleed a lot. And when they're done, they leave you by yourself as they starve you. It was really scary whenever I took them, although Reason helped a lot. Pain and Hunger would always talk about how I needed to kill something. Anyways, you shouldn't have to take tests."

 

  He wasn't expecting the look he got from her, wasn't expecting it at all. Auntie Rize had told him what this look was, pity. Touka had a renewed look of pity as she gazes at the other.

  "I can spare an hour, but only an hour dumbass."

 

  "Okay Touka."

 

  He was once again led to the underground of the 20th Ward. It, of course, looked the same since the last time he had been down here, when he had been showing his kagune.

 

  "Come on dumbass, I'm only giving you an hour."

 

  For the next hour or so, Touka taught him how to use an Ukaku Rc type. Well, at least tried too. It was a little hard to teach someone to use the Rc type you were born with. Kaneki was actually a fast learner, quickly grasping everything she said, or understanding what she meant soon after if he didn't understand fully; he was easily going to surpass her soon, maybe in the next lesson she gave him, if she did give him another lesson in using his Ukaku. Maybe Yomo or Irimi could come down next to give him the pointers she couldn't.

 

  'They sure have a lot of people with an Ukaku Rc type here at Anteiku.'

 

  "Anteiku sure has a lot of ghouls with an Ukaku type." Kaneki said after they were finished,wanting to know after Reason's comment.

 

  "Hah?"

 

  "There are a lot of ghouls with an Ukaku who work at Anteiku. You have one, and so does the Black Dog, Raven, and the manager guy. Reason made a comment on it and I had to say something."

 

  "How do you know the names the doves have for them? And who the hell is Reason?"

 

  "You pick up things after a while. They're pretty loud. Even when they tried to whisper, I'd hear every word with clarity. Maybe my hearing got sharper after so many times it had to repair itself. Same for my eyes, I can usually catch a glimpse of what they had. It wasn't too hard to put it together. Powerful ghouls disappear for over ten years and the ghouls at Anteiku are all powerful, it was pretty easy to put together. Besides, I wasn't even sure, you confirmed my guess. That and I can smell them.

 

  "Oh, Reason's me and I'm Reason. I'm also Pain and Hunger and they're me. They call me Mukade, because I'm the main one and didn't have a name when we were all Mukade. Now we all make up Kaneki and I get to make the main decisions since I was the first."

 

  'Aw, you introduced us Mukade.' 

  'That was really sweet of you.'

  'Maybe you shouldn't have, she doesn't seem to be processing what we just told her all too well.'

 

  "Well, thanks for helping me, Miss Meanie. I had a lot of fun, let's do it again!"

 

  "Huh?" She still hadn't fully processed what Kaneki had told her.

 

  "Our hour was up twenty minutes ago. I know you have that scary test you need to study for. While I wish no one else had to take a test, I know they make 'em worse if you don't do them." As he finished the sentence, he began to walk back up to the surface of Anteiku. When they were back in the main part of the coffee shop, Touka turned and walked towards the door, coffee long forgotten, while Kaneki went back to his table. 

  She paused at the doorway, knowing he'd be able to hear what she said next. "Not all tests are bad, Kaneki. How you grew up was wrong, just plain wrong. No child should be raised the way you were, and I don't even know the half of what happened to you. Just know Kaneki that you don't have to live by the shadows anymore, we deserve to live."

 

  She left after that, leaving Kaneki to ponder all that she said. Could he really live without the shadows?  
.......  
  Hide passed by the bulletin board that had posters of wanted ghouls in the area. He usually passed by often, considering he'd had more than his fair share of ghoul run ins and sometimes having a name or description helped him with his observations. Not that it had ever stopped him before, it wasn't too hard to spot someone who's dangerous. One of the flyers up there though made him stop.

 

  Kaneki was up there. Not as a ghoul that had been spotted, those were the ones that were usually put up, but as the SSS rank ghoul Mukade who had escaped from Cochlea. They thought that because of his unique appearance, hair as white as his and the way he acts wouldn't be that hard to miss, that a civilian could tip off an investigator as to where he might be located. Shit! It hadn't taken him long to realize that Kaneki was a ghoul it had still been a hunch until he saw the poster but he was going to have to confront him on it. He'd come to care a great deal for the ghoul, and he wasn't going to let the CCG take him away, so he'll have to help Kaneki change his appearance a little. He still wasn't going to ask what happened to him, he'd let Kaneki tell him that on his own time, but he'd have to confront him about being a ghoul sooner than expected.  
.......

  Two figures stood in the distance of the 20th Ward. One being a large, young man and the other, somewhat shorter, but had a crazed look in his eyes. The doves had come to the 20th Ward.

 

  "Hey Amon-kun?"

 

  "Yes Mado-san?"

 

  "What do you think the odds are of the Centipede being in the 20th Ward?"

 

  "I wouldn't think very likely, sir. A more peaceful ward like the 20th wouldn't mix well with a violent and certifiably insane ghoul like him."

 

  "True, true. He doesn't seem like one to settle in a docile ward. It would be nice though, I'd be able to make a fine quinque out of a ghoul with as many kakuhous as he does." And with that, the two investigators left to begin their hunt of the Binge Eater.

* Thanks to my beta strawberry_swirl for editing this. You rock Kuro-kun~!*


	9. So on I'll scream, and on I'll scream

_So many choices,_  
Screamed by the voices.   
People shouting for the dead  
And screaming ‘off with his head’.

 _I know my mind as well as you,_  
So let's see all you can do.   
You seem to have this power,  
So please help me in my darkest hour.

 _They watch me,_  
That's plain to see,  
But I know I'm not the same.   
It's all my fault, I'm the one to blame.

 _It'd be so, so easy to just let go,_  
But we made a promise, you know.   
So on I'll scream  
And on I'll scream.

…….

“Goddamit! Where the hell did that brat go? He was supposed to go through here!” A starved ghoul walked the alleys of the ward. He had just lost the meal he had been chasing, and still couldn't find the little shit. “Fuck!! I'm starved!”

He walked down the alleyway, smacking the wall when he still couldn't find the little shit who was to be his dinner. It was all fucking Rize's fault. The stupid Binge Eater had to make everywhere her territory, never mind the weaker ghouls who wanted to eat too (not that he was admitting he was weak). The fucking bitch. Even if she wasn't hunting as often, she still made it fucking hard to eat.

An older man began to shuffle out in front of him. He was stick thin and old, but he would do. Any human would really do at the moment, but the older man was a more preferable candidate for consumption. Activating his kakugan, the ghoul jumped and launched himself at the man.

_Click_

The ghoul was quickly cut in half, hands flying as his torso was separated. “Gah!!”

“My my, you were eager to leap into the fire. That was rather easy.

“Did you know that in Article 12, Clause 1 of the Anti-Ghoul Act, it states that ‘A species, against which special precautions should be taken, known as ghouls are distinct in that it is confirmed that they can produce kakugan and kagune.’ Same article, Clause 2, ‘In relation to the target distinguished as ghouls-’”

“Do-don't tell me… It can't be… You're jo-joking r-right?! How d-did I-I miss the briefcase?!”

“‘There are no laws which protect those individuals.’” Screams filled the now silent streets.

“I'm sorry for keeping you waiting, sir. The information about that ghoul I got from the CCG…

“... Err, what happened here? All this?” He said after staring at the dismembered body that lay in front of his superior.

“Well, I was attacked by a rather foolish ghoul. Thought he could eat me.”

“Is that so? Of all things, to think he'd aim for you.”

“The weak little bastard fell right into my spider’s web.”

“What an extremely foolish ghoul. Isn't that right, Mado-san?”

“Indeed, Amon-kun.”

It wasn't until they had packaged the body that Amon spoke again. “We'll first need to go to the Branch Office in the 20th Ward.”

“That's true, there's also some information we need to hear from the Branch Director.”

Amon began to glance around. It felt like they were being watched, and definitely not in a good way. ‘Where the hell are they? The roof?’ He looked up at the roof of a building facing them. Nothing was there, they must have gotten away.

“What's wrong, Amon-kun?”

“Nothing really, sir. I just felt like we were being watched. That's all.”

“You sure are on edge. I guess someone from the Academy would get worked up over different things.”

“Haha… I suppose my nerves are a little strained.”

Both were now oblivious to the ghoul hiding behind the building. He had almost been caught, he hadn't really thought the younger investigator would be able to sense him all the way up there, but he had gotten the information he wanted: Doves were coming to the 20th Ward.

…….

How do you do it?  
You don't make me feel counterfeit,  
You make me feel like I should live on,  
To make an effort to be less withdrawn.

As my sunlight fades,  
I'm shackled by the choices _I made._  
The agony I hold in my hands,  
Is a dream I hope you never understand.

 _My life will never be stable,_  
In this broken and empty fable.   
I never want to see you end,  
So don't say goodbye my friend.

 _It'd be so, so easy to just let go,_  
But we made a promise, you know.   
So on I'll scream,  
And on I'll scream.

…….

Kaneki needed a haircut, and he needed one badly. When he had been in Cochlea, while not often, they would cut his hair. Just enough so that it wouldn't affect anyone experimenting on him, so it was only done when it got too long. Which would be now.

“Aunt Rize!” he called out. Maybe she could cut his hair. She'd probably be real gentle while doing it too.

“Yes, Ken-kun?”

“Could you cut my hair? Please Auntie Rize.” He stared up at her, a pleading look in his eyes. He actually looked rather cute while begging, almost as if he was a child.

“I'm sorry Ken, but I don't know how to cut hair.” She felt almost guilty for denying him.

_‘We shouldn't go out for a haircut, too many people.’_

_‘Hunger’s right Mukade. There are too many out there. You've seen the posters, somebody might recognize us. Going to Anteiku during the day is already dangerous as it is. Somebody someday is going to take the time to piece together the information, we should try to prolong this as long as possible.’_

“No salons.”

“That would probably be for your best interest, I guess. Maybe we can see if Anteiku could help. They try to restrict my feeding grounds, the least they could do is help give my nephew a haircut.” She continued to mutter about the restrictions they were trying to place on her. Stupid doves and stupid Anteiku, trying to mess with her feeding and eating habits.

“Can we go now Auntie Rize? Pretty please!”

Rize sighed, “Okay Ken, we can leave now. They shouldn't be too busy at the moment right now anyways.”

“Thank you Aunt Rize!”

So off they went to Anteiku, Kaneki blathering on about his upcoming haircut and Rize smiling at her adorable little nephew. He was just so excitable and, while annoying at times, was still so innocent. Seeing him like this was just fueling her desire to act in what most would consider rather uncharacteristic, and for her it was; he made her want to protect, not for herself, but for her wonderful little nephew who needed a good cuddling and a peaceful life. Yes, she deemed, it was rather out of character for her, but she didn't give a damn.

When they got to Anteiku, they were met with a tired Touka who had just gotten off her shift. “Excuse me, Touka-chan, but could you help us for a moment?”

“And why the hell would I help you, Rize?”

“It's not me that needs help, rather it's Ken-kun.”

“What's Bakaneki gotten into this time?”

“Hiya Touka! My hairs getting really long, but I can't go out to get it cut and Auntie Rize doesn't know how to do it. Would you please cut my hair?” He was making that face again, Rize could tell. Touka’s resolve was beginning to weaken.

“Fine! I'll do it just this once, shitty brat.”

“Thank you Touka!!” A huge smile was plastered on Kaneki's face. For the next twenty minutes, he tried not to fidget as Touka led him to the back room of Anteiku and sat him down as she got out a pair of scissors and began to cut. By the time she was finished, his hair was shorter and a lot neater than he'd ever had it. When he was imprisoned, he was lucky if they just cut his hair. Most of the time, he was scalped. So this, this was something special. Touka was gentle and actually made sure he liked his haircut. It was rather strange being cared for.

“That actually looks really good.”

“Yeah, it looks great Touka!”

“Yeah, whatever.” After many more thanks, the pair left Anteiku and returned home.

…….

It was later in the day, and Kaneki was playing with his hair while sitting on Aunt Rize's couch. It really was rather strange to get a haircut that didn't bring pain (not that he felt much of that anymore) and looking like he'd just hacked his hair off with a kitchen knife.

“Maybe I should get a book on beauty techniques,” he mused. “I'd be able to learn how to cut my own hair and could even help Aunt Rize.” He went back to fiddling with his hair.

A knock sounded on the door, it interrupted his train of thought. Aunt Rize had gone out about an hour ago to patrol her territory, to make sure no lowlife ghouls decided to hunt on her area while she wasn't there, so maybe it was her? It wasn't likely though, Auntie Rize wasn't one to lock herself out of the apartment. So with great curiosity, he rose from his seat and walked towards the front door. What awaited on the other side was actually a rather pleasant surprise.

“Yo, ‘Neki.” Hide walked into the apartment carrying a bag.

“Hide!!” After making sure the other was fully in the apartment and the door closed, Kaneki drew Hide into a bone crushing hug. Burying his nose into the crook of the others neck, he took a deep inhale of the relaxing scent that was Hide. It had only been a few days, but he missed him.

“Hide…” He murmured softly against the others neck. Hide's arms gently encircling Kaneki, gladly reciprocating the now gentle hug.

“Looks like you got a haircut, Kaneki.”

“Yep! Touka gave it to me.”

“Touka-chan did? That's awfully nice of her.”

“It was. Aunt Rize doesn't know how to cut hair, and I don't know how to do it either yet, so we asked Touka and she knew.”

Hide slowly let go of Kaneki, putting enough space between them so that he could show him the bag. Hide started to chuckle, “Looks like we both had plans for your hair today.”

“What do you mean Hide?”

“I thought we could dye your hair,” he lifted up the bag in response. “We don't have to of course, but I think you'd look good with dyed hair. Besides, it's good boyfriend bonding time material. I've been dying of loneliness these past few days.” An exaggerated look was thrown in for effect.

“What do you mean ‘dyeing my hair’?”

“We'd be changing it a different color.”

Kaneki was worried now. He knew his hair hadn't always been white. They had started the experiments when he was an older toddler, something about babies not being developed enough and having to wait, but even then he knew that his hair wasn't white. From the few glances he saw, his hair had been dark. After they started though, it turned to that sickly white.

“Will it h-hurt Hide?”

Hide was startled by this sudden change over Kaneki. The poor kid. “No, it won't hurt you Kaneki. It may itch at times, but that's only with bleach and we're not bleaching your hair.”

“Are you sure Hide?”

“Positive.” He reached over and ruffled Kaneki's hair, hoping to calm him down some.

“Okay.”

“Well, I think black would be best for you. You don't seem like the kind of person of person who'd want bright hair. I bought a few other colors though, if you want something else.”

“Black’s fine.”

“Then follow me.” Hide led the way to the bathroom, pushing Kaneki down on the toilet seat when they got there. He set his bag on the counter, pulling out the box with the black hair dye. He quickly got to work, mixing the correct bottle and shaking. He slipped on gloves and began the process of dyeing Ken Kaneki's hair.

By the time Hide had gotten half of his hair done, Kaneki was fidgeting like crazy. “‘Neki sit still,” he stopped for a brief moment to laugh,” I'm almost done, but it's hard to work when you're moving around.”

“Oh, sorry. This stuff just feels really weird.”

“I know, but I'll need you to sit still to finish. The faster we get this done, the faster we can wash it out.”

From then on Kaneki sat as still as he could. It was hard though, the stuff felt really weird. It was kinda cold, and made him feel like he'd just dunked his head in a tub of mercury, except not has heavy. It was definitely a lot nicer than the tests he had to go through with liquid metals though, that's for sure.

They spent the next twenty-five minutes after the initial application goofing around, with Hide trying to keep Kaneki from accidentally dyeing the apartment. Kaneki was actually rather relieved when he had the chance to wash it off, stuff still felt strange.

Hide quickly covered Kaneki's eyes and pulled him over to the mirror. He slowly removed his hands from Kaneki's face, making sure to drink in the others reaction. Kaneki reached up and touched his now black hair, surprised at the sudden change. It felt the same and was still his hair, but it wasn't white. It wasn't white.

“Thank you, Hide.”

“Glad you like it ‘Neki.” It made Hide happy to know he could help Kaneki, even if Kaneki didn't know it himself. He knew changing his hair color had a more special meaning to Kaneki, but it was also Hide's way of protecting him. The doves were looking for Mukade, who had white hair. While he couldn't do much about facial features, he could at least make sure he wasn't as easily noticed. Black was a lot less noticeable than white, and Hide didn't want to lose Kaneki.

…….

_He was chained to the wall again, facing it with his back exposed. Well, what was left of his back. Where his lower back had been was now a gaping hole of blood and torn muscle trying to remain on bone. They'd taken his bikaku kakuhou again for their masses produced quinque knives._

_Drip… Drip… Drip…_

_His blood continued to splatter against the floor, coating his feet and adding to the puddle on the floor. Blood was dripping from his wrists, the chains cutting in deeply._

_‘ **Come and join us.’**_

_**‘No, you need to wake up.’** _

_He closed his eyes._

_……._

_I'm still running through this nightmare,_  
I really wish you didn't care.   
All I do is drag you down,  
I never ever wish to see you frown.

 _Bound with chains and hung by shackles,_  
Listening to their maddening cackles.   
I'll never forget that day,  
Where all my pain just faded away.

 _You make me happy,_  
And oh so sappy.   
But all good things must leave,  
Before my happiness can conceive.

 _It'd be so, so easy to just let go,_  
But we made a promise, you know.   
So on I'll scream,  
And on I'll scream.

 __ **Thanks for being my beta Kuro~!**  
  


 

 

 

 

  



	10. Right?

_Swallows swooping,_  
Willows drooping.   
Shadows cover the night,  
Blooming flowers in eternal moonlight.

…….

Where was she? Auntie Rize promised she'd be home before the sun rose, but it was already morning. Where was she...where was she...where was she…

She wasn't here, no indeed she was not. He began to laugh, and laugh, and laugh. It was Auntie Rize, nothing would happen to her. She was strong and smart, so nothing could ever happen to her.

“Nothing could ever happen to her, right guys?” His face began to take on a pained expression.

‘ _I'm sure she's doing just fine Mukade, you know how she gets sometimes.’_

‘ _Times running out Mukade-_ ’

‘ _And you'll never quite know when it ends.’_

“But-” he broke out in a sob, “It's Auntie…”

‘ _And that's precisely why, our dear Mukade…’_

“No… No-” he choked out. Never had he thought his precious Aunt would disappear. She would never leave him, she couldn't. He wouldn't allow it. “No… No… No…”

‘ _Times ticking Mukade,_ ’ All three voices spoke. ‘ _Better enjoy who you can while they last.’_

…….

 _Ravens flying,_  
Flowers dying.   
Across the sea,  
A world free.

 _Whispers of amity,_  
Shouting through calamity;  
Crying free-  
Is this me?

…….

It had been a week now- a whole week without his aunt. She still hadn't shown up, hadn't shown up at all. He couldn't take it anymore.

Anteiku had told him to go home- for how long he didn't know. Something about his now constant pacing bothering the customers and that he “had learned all he could from watching” and that he “might just get into university, so you should study in a quiet environment”. Bullshit.

Auntie Rize was special, couldn't they see that? Couldn't they?

His hair was starting to turn white again- he couldn't take it. It had started with the roots, which was to be expected, but with Auntie Rize gone, the purpose of the hair dye was becoming null. Just like him. Just like him.

Why did this always happen to him? Something nice comes along just to be ripped from his clutches. It wasn't fair, it really wasn't. It always happened; things would come, but never stay. They would never stay- but he hadn't lost her yet. Aunt Rize could still come back, there was hope for that. Hope.

He tried to fall asleep.

…….

 _The cheerful chattering,_  
The colors splattering.   
The predator itchin’ to be fed,  
The prey- that's me- tries to get ahead.

 _The dripping night,_  
The dying light.   
The soundless cry  
Carries across the sky.

 _Larkspurs blooming,_  
Shadows looming.   
The sturdy oak,  
Is this a joke?

…….

There was a knock. A soft knock to be correct. Not a pounding, but a slight wrap. Strange.

He walked to the door, taking careful steps from his room. Nobody was supposed to come over, unless either Rize or Kaneki brought them over themselves. That's how it was supposed to go and only that way.

When he opened the door there was no one there, just a box sitting at the doorstep. A box? A box with an odd smell. He picked it up and brought it back to his room, pondering over who would leave an unmarked box on his aunt’s doorstep for him. The only people who knew he was here, besides Rize herself, should be Hide and a few members from Anteiku.

‘ _Time’s a tickin’ Mukade_ ,’ was once again chorused. Odd.

He set the box on his bed, in no hurry to open it. He sat down next to the box and slowly began to open it, being careful. Careful.

Inside was a...head? A woman's head with a bloody stump of a neck with streaks of her face. Long violet hair matted with blood fanned out around her face, glasses perched almost delicately on her nose. A familiar scent- that of family- wafted out from the box.

Oh, no… No… No… No! A bloodcurdling scream erupted from his throat. They couldn't- she couldn't! No, no, NO! Rize, Rize, Rize. Auntie Rize? Yes, Aunt Rize. No, never, nope. She couldn't… She couldn't be dead. Dead? Yes, dead. No!

He ran to the corner of his room, curling up in a ball. Too afraid to face the head, but too afraid to leave it. He didn't even notice how his body began to shake with sobs. Nor when he began to scratch at his ear; fingernails scraping his skin, the force peeling some off as blood began to leak down. The blood began to drip, drip, drip.

…….

 _The blood is dripping,_  
My skin is ripping.   
Reluctant prey  
Slaves the day away.

 _Oleanders die_  
As the crows begin to fly.   
As the sun shines  
The moon blinds.

 _The lion roars,_  
The vulture soars.   
The cubs are groomed  
The prey is doomed.

 _Feeling trapped,_  
My weakness mapped-  
Desperate for help,  
Deaf ears listen to helpless yelps.

…….  
  
He just sat there. Nail-less fingers still scratching, scratching, scratching. Dried (and still drying) blood caked both his face and clothes, some pooling on the floor.

“S-she couldn't have d-d-died… She coul-couldn't h-have… She would n-n-never l-leave me… This must be a j-joke? Yeah, m-must be a joke. Must be, must be, must be…” He continued to mumble, still not believing the situation.

It had been a few hours since the dreaded package had arrived, and he was still no closer to processing what had happened then he had been when he had first found Auntie Rize- no, _the head_. It just, it just couldn't have happened. It was Auntie Rize…

No… No… No… No, no, no, no…

There was a new knock on the door: a strong knock. But a knock nonetheless. It was still a knock.

He huddled even further into the corner, trying to take up as little space as possible. If he wouldn't answer the door, nothing bad would happen to him. Right?

The pounding continued for a few more- minutes? seconds? until it just stopped. He was safe if he didn't get up, he was safe if they left. He was safe. Safe…

Footsteps. There were footsteps coming towards him. Towards his sanctuary. The creaking floorboards as they walked alone in the hallway. Creak, creak, creak. Then the squeak of the door as it slowly opened.

In popped a bright head of hair, with a matching personality. “Heya ‘Neki, I wanted-”

The blonde took in the room. A bloody head on the bed- that was Kaneki’s aunt?- with an equally bloody Kaneki curled into a corner of the room. And what looked like fingernails littered around him?

He walked over to the crumpled boy, trying to be as gentle as possible. He crouched down in front of the other, making soft cooing sound as he lightly lifted the others face. Tear tracks stained the already bloody face (one of them adding to the blood), descending from empty eyes- one a glowing kakugan, the other a lifeless grey.

“... Hide?”

.......

**So sorry about not updating!! I was just crushed with end of the year test and last minute cramming (still am). That and I also got a job, so I've been real busy.**

**Thanks again to Kuro-dono~ for being my beta and putting up with my shit! Thank you for reading.**

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So,... I started another fanfiction even though I haven't finished my first one. Hope this was okay. Yes, I know Mukade's a SS-rank ghoul, but this is an AU story. The training and experiments the CCG put Kaneki through allowed him to achieve the SSS-rank in this story.


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